Some of the Funnier Things Said

People say some pretty funny things. Sometimes it is meticulously planned out by a comedian. Other times, it is our President mangling the English language. Either way, the following should make you crack up.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

2. Drew Carey - You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

3. Steven Wright - I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

4. Henny Youngman - A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

5. Dave Attell - You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike

6. Steven Wright - I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

7. Rodney Dangerfield - A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

8. George Bush - The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.

9. Bill Maher - Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

10. Rodney Dangerfield - I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

11. Jerry Seinfield - Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

12. Dave Attell - You ever get drunk and pass out... or as I call it 'time travel'?

13. George Bush - The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany.

14. Dave Attell - Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

15. Steven Wright - Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

At the end of the day, we all usually need a good laugh. Hopefully, the above quotes and jokes provided it. If not, there are tons of sites with them, so get to clicking!

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